Sharp and open
Leave me alone
And sleeping less every night
As the days become heavier and weighted
Waiting
In the cold light...

The very people that are proving to be my emotional salvation may also be the cause of my physical ruin.
I was in my pjamas for a second time after putting my thursday clothes back on, I was going to read and go to bed...
I am too easily swayed by the promise of alcohol and a lift.
Now there are traces of vomit on my trousers.
I could be just waking up now, (possibly) headache-free if I'd been more sensible...

...Pressed my stained face
I will never be clean again

now how do I get out of this...

I've long suspected that I'm a minority in many ways, but I've also discovered that, unlike the majority of people I've met, I can't sleep with people that I'm not totally stoked on. Shit. Now how do I get out of this? I'm too willing to lend people things when I don't need any ties to them. Shit. How do I call it off and get my stuff back? Shit.

If you can't persuade me to have sex after presenting me with a mix cd there is no hope...

Download>

{A weekend in three parts}
fridaysotiredmanagedtosleptiltenattendedshittysalv'sjobsearch
implemetationprogram-
atedinnerwentonrthcoteforartshizfeaturingmynudehousemategot
pissedonfreewine-
leftatnine-thirtytohaveanearlynightthenaccidentally spent three hours on the computer buring cds-saturdaytwo-
thirtamgotacallsaying they were coming to take me awaytoplaymariokarttheydidthenepicconversationaboutcoheed
andcambriawatchedcoheeddvd
listenedtocoheedandcambriawenttobedawkward-
tromboneplayersharinglatenightdiscussion-wierddreams,
hungoutwatchedmusicvideoswithtwooftheworldsmosthilarousgirls-
umbrella-ella-ella-ay-ay
went homehadshowerwenttocitytomeetdimmaheboughtahundredandtwenty
dollarsworthofcdsatdragonfly
Ialmostboughtakyusscdbuthadenoughtimetoreconsider, drovetoboroniaboughtabsinthandbourbon, drivento upweydrankabsinthandbourbonhungoutwithnicekidsandtheircool
parents, wenttobelgraveanddrankatthescarab-likegettingwastedinalift
sumsitupreallyadequately.
Sunday-mylastthoughts beforepassingoutwere: I really need water but I can't stand up.wokeupfivehourslaterfeelinglikeelevenkindsofmankydeath.
foundthatI'dstolenabagofkids jeansfromoutsidetheopshopthe
previousnight,driventokfc, watched my friends eat
horriblesugarchickenburger, went to aldi and boughtgenericpanadol-hedanol,droppedjeansoffwithmyolder-
youngerbrother, formyyounger-youngerbrothergotan apple
drivento sassafrass metadam-i he took us to break intothe
alfred nicholas gardenswecrawledoverbrackenandunderferns
withabigglassjar lookingformushrooms,drovebacktoupwey,
atesausagewithbreadandonion, driventoupweystationcaughttrain,
wenttototedrankmore, smokedcigarettes,mettromboneplayer,feltawkward,
wenttoblackcatwithpeeps, danced tosobaditwasgoodmusic,wenthome...

what the fuck are you doing?

port, under a tree.botanic gardens.
tramride.Gogol Bordello.vermont south.toast.trainride.zappa.
tramhome. bar open cape bar.beer.me and the grown ups. beer.menthol cigarettes. cigarettes.beer.leg touching.awkward interloping from drunk guy lookin' for "choof"-told us he hopes we fall in love, we say it's too early to tell...I tell him he hope he finds some choof, he says only if we fall in love, otherwise it doesn't matter. we didn't fall in love. just made out like awkward teenagers, he bit my lip. I told him, alone in the beer garden, that I should mention that I'm incredibly awkward, he says that the complicated thing with me is that he finds me rather likable...there seems to be a great deal of facade, I'm not sure what to make of this, I can't seem to pinpoint where it's coming from.waited for an exorbitant amount of time for spinach and cheese boreks.thumb war;lost. asked to come home with me even though he had a rehearsal at his house the next day at ten am, too much beer to consider that it wasn't the best idea ever...awkward awkward lots of hands and feet.lights,music off, super awkward tired drunk...sleep. lent him a velvet underground cd, kissed him goodbye and he ran for the tram. nine hours in reservoir, supermarket mission, red wine, dips and turkish bread with my homies...redwineselfprtraitfor bryan saunders...internet-y timewastery purging...soon shower, bed...gosh, I'm going to love sleeping so much, the circles under my eyes have just kept getting deeper and darker of late...

disco-necked Ted

Saturday:
went present shopping for a one year old
went to the aquarium
ate dinner
drank wine
caught tram
ate dinner
drank wine
drank beer
went to lame hackey-sack lesbian party
caught tram
drank wine
drank beer
danced to crazy music
swapped my phone number with a trombone player in a dress for a pack of menthol cigarettes
went to laundry
danced
followed people around
waited for people to make up their minds
sunday:
went to pony
left pony
met more people
climbed seven story carpark and then electricity tower
drank wine
drank bourbon
listened to music
hung out
got bought a hungry jacks chicken burger for breakfast
drank brown caffeine water from maccy d's
waited at flinder's street station
caught the first train to upwey
stole sign that said not to steal compost
had mushrooms
watched flowers from the bed sheets grow out of dimma's fro
slept
vaguely woke up to phone call
talked to drew
slept
got message to say dinner was cancelled
slept
ate roast duck dinner
drank wine
watched sunday night abc
moday:
slept
woke up to messages
got cooked full english breakfast
ate breakfast
got driven to dandy
gave away compost sign
bought filters
caught train home

rsyjr4skim xsy75u 6ijn4cx6u8xgsyrfcbn cbr

Sick tummy.
too much food.
Not hungry.
too much cheap domestic beer.
confused tummy.
bad hair.
tired all the time.
busybusybusybusy.
running from friend.
unsure.
flat.
headed for heartache.
danced with trombone player in a dress.
allover the shop.
free moonboots and a bag.
guilt guiltcomplex.
guilty conscience.
vague heavy.
big heavy feelings.
add new people.
the streets.
my brain as a smashed packet of corn chips.
my heart as an avocado wrapped in a tea-towel.
my teeth-cup of tea, cigarette.
eliciting illicit.
heels in shoulder-blades.
black bandanna headband to hold brains in.
green bandanna headband to hold red fro back.
coldcoldcold bones.
waking up groaning.
not wanting to wake up.
crashing on floors.
listening to the streets.
lies and lists.
no lies and lists.
lack of toothbrushing.
notlies sounding like lies.
not lie-ing, lying down.

The black dog runs at night

and all through the day.

I'm cold and I ache all over, I've been eating too much and then feeling sick.

"...heavily armed thugs with a price on their heads
and hearts full of cheap speed,
a hideous plague on the land."
-Hunter S. Thompson

I need a hug.