I've hit it.

This is drew. He is lovely. We are still friends, I heart his girlfriend caitlin. She's rad.





This is sean. I still think he's hot. He drinks too much. I broke up with him four times, the last was when he came to my house with his clothes all torn, covered in blood and dirt. I slept with him twice after we broke up and regret it terribly. He tells me he loves me sometimes when he's drunk and it upsets me terribly. I heart his girlfriend emilee, she proposed to me last night.







This is Dima. He was my failed attempt at a one night stand. We ended up as "Friends with benefits" for four months. His family tells me I saved his life by bringing him out of a suicidal phase. He broke it off with me because he didn't want to feel obligated to see me. Then made out with me at parties, then went through a phase of deliberately being a cunt to me, then friends, then made out with my best friend while I was sharing a bed with them. He doesn't talk to me because after the aforementioned incident I put a custard in his face.




I never could figure this one out. He's nice though. I still want my comics back.

Oops. this is a testament to my low self-esteem and submissiveness to peer-pressure. Really lovely guy though. Still friends.

This one was all kinds of surprises. He was super into me, then dumped me for his guitar-player. She seems nice. I hope they're happy. I don't think we are friends. He hasn't spoken to me since he dumped me over the phone with no explanation...

I just can't tell...

I used to be good at subtlety, nuances...all that shit you notice when people say things with their mouths and their faces say other stuff... I used to notice that...
then I started trusting...why would they say that if they didn't mean it? that's just silly. So now I've been stumbling around clumsy 'cause they leave the lights off, I'm not as good as I was at seeing in the dark and once my eyes get used to it, start adjusting to the gloomy gloom~ BANG! [FLOODLIGHTS] I AM angry at you, my brother hates you, I feel you done me wrong
sad sad sad song and my face fills up with heat and my eyes prickle, sting and brim and my collar is soaked from my internal flood erupting
I let them hurt me so they can feel better, I am a scapegoat again...I let it happen because I feel so small,
and an easy target ...for a bit i believe it all, i'm mutable, malleable, misrepresented...

munting, because I'm spent, my anger turns to understanding far to quickly and my adrenaline freezes to poison and my stomach turns and wants to empty itself.

But as destroyed as i feel today I am not sorry, I love to visit the flat bit at the bottom of my old hills and breath the air that smells like contentment and chaos
and see the people I miss
and hug and kiss all their brains
and punch fists and listen and laugh
and make plans and look forward to seeing them again...

I have a new nest in northcote-town, near a station called dennis, it's pretty and warm an I'm mostly moved in... I r happicat.

My lack of internet is making me feel lonely and disconnected. I want to hold people's hands and their gaze. In realtime.

"...looks like a sky for shoe~ing horses under, looks like a good sky to die under..."

Last night had a good sky. A good sky for gaining a new housemate. A good sky for losing and recovering a cat. a good sky for listening to animal collective and beirut and getting a little bit high. It was a good sky.