don't know whar's going on or how it happened, my pulpy heart's all nude & raw,
lying here like an open would, a wet vagina ready to be corderised by the christ
of zizek's dirty anectode,
I'm in the process of posting it o.s, to join my head and my stomach.
 finna get my big ass to sacramanto asap

junkpoem

woke up troubled and lay awhile, tried to suppress the thoughts of you but couldn't, something trickled through my mind about people becoming the drug that they do and
it occurred to me that, shit my darlin, you are smack. casual use,
sure if that's what you wanna call it, but at the start you made me feel so high and whole and like it all made sense and I was comforted by the very thought of you and

then, time apart started to hurt and the longer the lapses, the colder and emptier it got and now it feels like hurt and ache and
when I'm on you (like right up on you) that's the only time I don't worry about when the high's gonna drain away; just up and leave and
I am beginning to see how I can't afford it. Cos when you don't avail yourself to me and you offer me nout but coldness, it's a habit I can ill afford,
but I put you in my blood and I need you
so I worry about how to fix up on you
and about you fixing up
and I realise I'm abusing you
as you're abusing me

punch a mirror then make out with the pieces 

climb something tall and throw yourself off, repeat ∞ 

jump on your bed so you headbutt the ceiling 

chestbump an electric fence 

have a veryhot shower then roll around on gravel 

chew rocksalt and gargle with cheap booze

wrestle an angry dog

 pick a fight with a built neonazi 

 wander round estate housing yelling about drugs 

find used syringes and suck on them  

stab yourself with a rusty belt-hole-punch 

 run barefoot through a carpark to a playground full of tanbark 

 climb a tree in your underwear 

 fall get up do it again 

 line your clothes with sandpaper and go for a run

collapse

my room stinks my heart stinks my life stinks
talking in self pitying circles
a circlejerk of worthless despair
making me hate myself evenmore
arrogant selfimportant worthlessness
sadness fuelling itself
snowball of disgust
hiding and pushing in
hatefuck headfuck
sucking the bullet
banging against fuck all
drowning in nothing

I miss you. I know it's been a year. It sucks that you're gone and I wish I was stronger. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm so sad. I think of you often and usually it makes me smile. but a year it's just hurting today. I wish we had done something last night to mark it that was more of a gesture, like setting fire to something or smashing something or building something or pushing a little boat out into the sea. but it all went wrong and we were flat and sad and tired. we love and miss you though. I wish you weren't gone. shoulda been me instead, you weren't just wasting your life like I am, you were really living and I loved that about you. I don't lknow what else, I don't know why i'm saying any of this, but, Love, always, lizzi xo

I got stoned tonight, fo the first time in ages
I was fine, at first, content amused and subdued
tomorro tho i gotta be up at ten to sign a release form
I broke out in a tidal swea\t tryna get myself to the bathroom
then just put my face cold concrete-ward and chilled til it passed
which is the only things'ever worked for me
much to the chagrin of any witnesses

Defdoggz inthis forall everyeverything

learningta distancem selfrumyer moodswitchupz

giveango pullaway cosofya needinthat

butferall howitgoes it goes great dunnit