Rediscovered crush

I can't remember much of my weekend, apart from that it resulted in a sunday of wishing for the tender oblivion of death to take me in it's sweet embrace and wrap me up in nothingness forever. I made a realisation too; my recent extreme poverty and lack of contacts has rendered me mostly drug free for the past two(ish) months, I only recently realised that this is why I've been getting so hammered. My system isn't being cushioned by stimulants, so drinking is effecting me more. I need some freaking drugs asap.

I watched the start of the first season of Degrassi junior high yesterday, fucking brilliant. Me and my friends couldn't go more than a few minutes without blurting out "I'd hit that!" or "Ohmygod!HOT!" or "wow...I want that kid's jumper."...and then...there he was...
It's been years since I watched Degrassi, like, lots of years...
in fact, the last time I saw it, I was younger than the characters, I was impressionable enough to be manipulated by the hardline moral lessons and the pubescent confusion of the characters and I was old enough to have a crush on this guy:



"I'D HIT IT!"
Rick, the guy who's 80'stacular dad used to lose his shit and beat the fuck out of him. In a way I think my prepubescent crush has kind of shaped what I find attractive today. Troubled, brooding, tightpants, badboy, shaggy hair...gosh...
Of course my friends gave me crap about his age...
"Oh obviously, I'd be imagining him a few years younger while I was doing him...you know like he'd be twelve in my head instead of fourteen in my bed"
Hyeah, I think I won that round.
Perhaps reading Nabokov has warped me...

I'm just happy that my new housemate is the kind of girl that will make herself late for school and put this song on really loudly and smoke cigarettes with me...

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.

It was a very pleasant beginning to my day...