Everything's coming {down} to a grinding halt

No light
No people
No speak
No people
No cars
No people
No food
No people

Stopped
Short
Grinding halt
Everything's coming to a griding halt

No sound
No people
No clocks
No people
No fine
No people
No me
No people

Stopped
Short
Grinding halt
Everything's coming to a griding halt
Everything's coming to a griding halt

Slow down
Slow down
No people
Slow down
Everything's coming to a
Everything's coming to a
Everything's coming to a
Everything's coming to a

Dear You,
I had the worst night's sleep last night;
speed-fever flavoured dreams, crawling skin, being trapped in a vortex, suffocating, being laughed at demonically and reached out to and groped by warm bodies that were solid but not actually there, and, waking up sweating palpable puddles through my sheets.
had an epic party on saturday night. Would have invited you, but didn't think you'd be able to make it...
I feel shaky and weak and my heart is too arrhythmatic[sic] today for my liking...railed too much cheap speed and dexamphetamine on saturday night...
Hope your world is nice-like.
xo
ps; I don't know if I'll ever be right in the head again...
Wish me luck with my recovery.

Rediscovered crush

I can't remember much of my weekend, apart from that it resulted in a sunday of wishing for the tender oblivion of death to take me in it's sweet embrace and wrap me up in nothingness forever. I made a realisation too; my recent extreme poverty and lack of contacts has rendered me mostly drug free for the past two(ish) months, I only recently realised that this is why I've been getting so hammered. My system isn't being cushioned by stimulants, so drinking is effecting me more. I need some freaking drugs asap.

I watched the start of the first season of Degrassi junior high yesterday, fucking brilliant. Me and my friends couldn't go more than a few minutes without blurting out "I'd hit that!" or "Ohmygod!HOT!" or "wow...I want that kid's jumper."...and then...there he was...
It's been years since I watched Degrassi, like, lots of years...
in fact, the last time I saw it, I was younger than the characters, I was impressionable enough to be manipulated by the hardline moral lessons and the pubescent confusion of the characters and I was old enough to have a crush on this guy:



"I'D HIT IT!"
Rick, the guy who's 80'stacular dad used to lose his shit and beat the fuck out of him. In a way I think my prepubescent crush has kind of shaped what I find attractive today. Troubled, brooding, tightpants, badboy, shaggy hair...gosh...
Of course my friends gave me crap about his age...
"Oh obviously, I'd be imagining him a few years younger while I was doing him...you know like he'd be twelve in my head instead of fourteen in my bed"
Hyeah, I think I won that round.
Perhaps reading Nabokov has warped me...

I'm just happy that my new housemate is the kind of girl that will make herself late for school and put this song on really loudly and smoke cigarettes with me...

I've been out walking
I don't do too much talking
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think a lot
About the things that I forgot to do
And all the times I had the chance to.

I've stopped my rambling,
I don't do too much gambling
These days, these days.
These days I seem to think about
How all the changes came about my ways
And I wonder if I'll see another highway.

I had a lover,
I don't think I'll risk another
These days, these days.
And if I seem to be afraid
To live the life that I have made in song
It's just that I've been losing so long.
La la la la la, la la.

I've stopped my dreaming,
I won't do too much scheming
These days, these days.
These days I sit on corner stones
And count the time in quarter tones to ten.
Please don't confront me with my failures,
I had not forgotten them.

It was a very pleasant beginning to my day...

Ten good reasons to fuck off, arsehole...

You are beautiful.
You always have
been, and always
will be. I insist that
you come boil some
cactus with sam
and i.. I have been
fetishing your
shorts by the way,
I hope you
understand.'down
a drain, high as
fuck, missing gun
street girl. Such
disturbed, warped,
preternatural sex
appeal. My bad. Xx

sent:
01:25:47
17-10-2007

euchhhhhhhhh... Fuck off...I have enough trouble getting to sleep at night as it is without your creepy pseudo-interesting, grammatically incorrect, multi-sylabic wankery disturbing me just as I begin to drift off to the other little death. You fucking wanker.
and two days before that;
"I've not slept in days. Normal pins and needles is like agony at the moment. Hope you're doing slendidly well. James"
fuck off.
and today;
"since i intend on attending slow human escape's gig on saturday, i suppose i should retract my perverse but purely facetious comments from last night.. I promise to slow down on the drug induced text messages. Peace"
How about fuck off and die you pathetic, spoiled, immature, whitebread, child of privilege. You are not interesting and you are not my friend. Swapping my phone number for a pack of menthol cigarettes was the worst deal ever. You suck so much cock I surprised you can breathe.
You are lucky I have no phone credit to respond to your pitifully pretentious extensions. Go far away from where I am and stop trying to make contact. I'm fairly certain that I hate you...
xo

It's all coming down

last night I dreamed that I was walking up the road that led to my old house, the trees were filled with large sketchbooks, someone was using them for storage, one had fallen out, I thought I'd be helpful, by replacing it, but it slipped out again as I walked away and triggered a raining avalanche from the trees, I just kept walking, cautiously, it was beyond my power to fix.
I've been hitting the escapism pretty hard lately. I haven't been taking things very seriously, I did something very bad yesterday, I was trying to fix a small problem and rather suspect that an avalanche has begun, I just hope no one gets hurt, and I should figure out if I should just keep walking, checking the trees...