my dreams are exhausting. I have to sleep so much these days,
in bed by eleven most nights and sleeping till midday

there's subterfuge, sabotage, huge conspiracies,
science fiction out the wazoo.
I wake up so tired that I consider going back to sleep again.
But I swear (quietly, to myself) that all the shit I'm doing while I'm there is what's wearing me out.
I'm getting depressed and introverted in my awake life
because,
it comes to me when I'm asked what I've been up to,
everything exciting I've done lately
has happened in my sleep.
It's a complicated case of escapism,
I try to rewire her nature too tired to wake her up
out of that artificial calm she was on
I've been on mood stabilisers for over a year now,
not counting the week without them when I could barely stand
and I hovered about half a foot above the ground,
when the doctor I eventually gathered the energy to see treated me like a junkie and scolded me for being lax with my health.
You have no idea what it's like, fat lady.
Your life may be hard sometimes but your idea of hard doesn't hurt you the way my idea of just keeping it together hurts me.

I think my mind is finding a way to exert all my stress and is just dumping it into my subconscious
I wish it wouldn't though.
I'm having a hard time functioning again
and all the stuff i can't deal with is starting to pile up.
the people around me have problems and I need to be there for them.
gimme just some pleasant stuff, let me wake up feeling happy, calm, functional.
like I'm s'posed to.